last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
