New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
