Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Im part way to drunk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
