Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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