I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
