I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
