saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
