I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
