Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
