i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
