I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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