Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
