Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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