it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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