Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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