I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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