my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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