What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
