I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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