I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
