I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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