she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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