I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
