my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
