I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
