He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
