Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
