I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
