i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
