GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
