Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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