Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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