i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
