Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
