I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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