he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
