I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
