ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
