He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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