High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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