It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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