i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
