Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
they need to just BURY HIM!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
