your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
