guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
