Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
