Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize