This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
