So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
