marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
