there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
