so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
