I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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