are you still at the devil's house?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
