I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My bed smells like the plague
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
