So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Small penises have feelings too.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
