Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
