I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
