You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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