Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
