I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
