My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
