walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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