why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize