so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
