How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize