Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
