she woke up with a sticky ear
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize